Although originally considered to be a supplement to the Gideon movement which places bibles in motel/hotel rooms, the Erosians is developing into more of a countermovement to offset the gains of the Fundamentalists and the Meese Commission. The organization is founded on the same basis as the Gideons, with the primary goal of placing sex manuals in each and every motel and hotel room in the nation. The original inspiration for the organization came when bored travellers realized there was more than one drawer in their motel room, and therefore room for more than bibles, phone books and extra blankets. Not content to merely provide travelling businesspeople, vacationing couples and honeymooners with suitable reference materials, the organization is expanding into the areas of research and development and education.
The research and development effort is primarily a natural application of the belief in evolution and procreation rather than creationism. Paramount in this belief is the acknowledgement of the sexual and sensual evolution of personkind from the Monkey Position to the Asian Basket Trick. Research is presently underway towards development and perfection of an Anti- Herpes/AIDS (AHA) Position. Current theory suggests that a position can be developed that will maximize penetration of a properly sheathed penis in a properly lubricated vagina with absolutely no skin- to-skin contact. Research is centered on determining whether one of the currently known and documented positions can be suitably optimized or whether a new position will require development and testing.
A byproduct of this research is the analysis of the numerous collections of known sexual positions from the Kama Sutra to the various "101 ways" books available from various sources. These collections are being analyzed for suspected duplication and will result in statistical determination of the actual number of possible sexual positions and a universal rating system for relative difficulty. This will have great educational value and is expected to be the basis for the eventual publication of our own Sex Manual. Whereas most manuals feature svelte young couples demonstrating the important sexual positions, our manual will feature normal people such as balding men with beer guts, women with love handles and their real hair, and people over 40 years old. Some of these models are expected to be perceived as ugly, however, it is important that these people learn how to enjoy sex without the need for extreme darkness or paper bags. Use of high and low technology toys and devices will also be explored and described as a means of sexual enhancement.
Our organization also recognizes the importance of music to lovemaking. In support of this, we expect to be marketing specially recorded cassettes and compact disks of suitable music. While others have explored the allegedly sensual sounds of the oboe and guitar (separately, thank heavens), our research indicates that the organ is far more appropriate. Rock music appears to result in maximum penetration, but is irritating to many people and lacks overall sensuality. The influence of Bach on heavy metal rock music appears to be an excellent starting point in our research. For sensuality, we are going back to the roots of this phenomenon and are investigating the recording of the sensual organ (music) of Bach. Much of this music is familiar, due to its adaptation to religious hymns, and hence we are developing hymns without the clutter and confusion of lyrics. This is expected to aid in the achievement of intense orgasms, which are frequently and appropriately described as truly religious experiences.
In addition to the use of Bach, the role of Bacchus in erotica will also be a subject of extensive research and development and eventual education. With the exception of Amaretto, hard spirits and beer are considered less appropriate than wine. In particular, the various varieties of "blush" wines would seem most appropriate. Looking at the dismal results of the noble efforts of the wine culture to convince the general public that red wine goes with meat and white with fish, we realize we have a major effort confronting us.