Listing of Available Files

All files are in Rich Text Format and were created by saving the original Word for Windows 2.0/6.0 documents in this format. Most Mac software and much Windows software understands this format, as does Interleaf on a Sun workstation. You should be able to load and view these files from within Netscape or Mosaic, then save them onto your local disk.

I have found a site that carries RTF viewers for Windows, Mac and Sparcs. I did try the Windows viewer myself, and it appears that it only handles older RTF specifications. It generally shows the text, but also shows some garbage. But the price is right.

An older version of Adobe Acrobat Reader understood RTF, but the newer one does not. Still, you may be able to configure one of your current programs as an RTF viewer within your browser. For example, you could have Netscape launch Word for Windows to view (and print or save) the files, and other word processors and desktop publishers may be able to do the same.

Do-It-Yourself Blank Signs:

• Sign for event addition.
• Sign for event cancellation.
• Sign for special SIG meeting.
• Sign that is completely blank except for disclaimer.

Files that are Primarily Text:

• Fake press release about Mensa trading cards.
• Fake press release about a new use for stereograms.
• Fake thank you note about unusual use for neckties.
• Fake story about people dying from fumes in California.
• Fake letter from Dr. Schroedinger's veterinarian.
• Brochure warning of the dangers of barefoot dancing.

Jokes Targeting the Mensa 50th Birthday:

• Sign about an East Pole expedition.
• Sign about Mensa logo coins.
• Sign about Passing and Ordinary Interest Groups.
• Sign about Mensa tombstones.
• Exchange program for dangerous yellow map pins.

Jokes Targeting Mensa Qualification:

• The infamous Mensa retest, the joke that started the SIG.
• Qualify for Mensa with your allergy test results.
• Qualify for Mensa through compelling evidence.
• Beware of the secret Retest Committee.
• Qualify your ancestors for posthumous membership.

Bumper Stickers:

• My cat was cat of the month at Cathy's cathouse.

Nonexistent Products:

• A grammar program that makes verbs regular.
• A publication that tells who is seeing whom.
• See the city quickly with Redline Tours.
• Purchase an original sport bottle.
• Try some safe helium breast implants.
• Wear some Swiss Army press-on tools.
• Check out the related Weird ElectroMechanics page.
• The Mensa Quotient Tracking Service.

Imaginary Event Cancellations:

• Miss Manners came, and promptly left.
• The Argument Clinic.
• The Whine Country event.
• The Navel Contemplation session.
• The session with the psychic.
• A toilet-papering party, at the adjacent hotel.

Hospitality Hoaxes:

• This is your mind on chocolate.
• Volunteer to sort out the green and blue M and Ms.
• One of the dips is made with library paste, rather than sour cream.
• The blue M and Ms are laced with Prozac and lithium.

Registration Hoaxes:

• For Mother Earth, edible badges.
• If RG programs were written by C programmers.
• It could be a bad gathering if...

Money-Making Schemes:

• Schroedinger's cat sitting service.
• Donate to the Mensa sperm bank.
• Raise endangered species in your hot tub.

Nonexistent Support Groups:

• Claustrophobic Support Group.
• Low Baud Rate Support Group.
• Anonymous Anonymous, support for 12-step addicts.

Nonexistent SIGs:

• A 12-step program for C programmers.
• The Evil Twin SIG.

Unscheduled Events:

• The tantrum circle.
• High impact aerobics session.
• The first-timers meeting.
• A Halloween howling contest.
• A petting zoo, but these aren't animals.
• A good old-fashioned snipe hunt.

Special Twists for Actual Events:

• Program correction for line segment dancing.
• Program correction for regular polygon dancing.
• Additions to the Jazzercise program.

Special Warnings:

• Limits the hours for hall hockey.
• Too much chlorine in the hot tub.

Miscellaneous Files:

• The official CM SIG eyechart.
• The uplifting notice that You Are There.