RG Addiction

by Mark (Hutch) Hutchenreuther

(This was originally written in March 1991. You can probably substitute "seminar" or "SciFi Con" for "RG".)
I had not attended an RG until last summer. I attended the AG for the first time, then my first RG. Now that I have attended my third RG, I am addicted. It's easy to do, but it may be some time before you recognize the symptoms. These are the warning signs of RG Addiction:

  1. You are suddenly very thirsty, so you head for the nearest bathtub, which you expect to be filled with ice and sodas.
  2. You lose interest in cooking. At the beginning of each week, you get a large party tray from a deli and several bags of chips. You graze on this all week long.
  3. You buy inexpensive wine in a cardboard box. You drink this from a plastic cup, on which you have written your name with a felt-tipped pen.
  4. You wear a name tag and only associate with other people wearing name tags. When guests visit, you fill out a name tag for them to wear also.
  5. Sometimes, after midnight, you fill your bathtub with very hot water and sit in it in the dark in your bathing suit, sipping on a glass of wine.
  6. In the evening, you watch nature specials on The Discovery Channel. At the end of the show, you raise your hand to ask a question.
  7. You rename the rooms of your house with a common theme, like meeting rooms. In extreme cases, you assign three-digit numbers to the rooms and carry a key to your bedroom. If you live in a two-story house, the upstairs rooms start with "2".
  8. You find yourself discussing your work, hobby, latest book read, or latest movie seen with your cat, dog, parrot, or other pet.
  9. You number the spaces in your garage, driveway, and street. Whenever you park your car, you write the space number on a slip of paper so you won't forget where you parked.
  10. Breakfast consists of stale doughnuts, gooey danish rolls and all the coffee you can get your hands on.
  11. You read through your collection of business cards, trying to recall what you discussed with these people, and at which RG.
  12. You play Scrabble all by yourself. Sometimes you play two or more hands at once.
  13. You have your astrological chart done, and interpreted, so that you are prepared in case anyone asks about your sign.
  14. You take the Myers-Briggs test, so you know what type you are.
  15. You notice that your wardrobe consists primarily of souvenier T-shirts.
  16. You eagerly read your mail, hoping to find an announcement of yet another RG!
Originally published simultaneously in the May 1991 issues of Channel M, the newsletter of Channel Islands Mensa, and Mslaneous, the newsletter of St. Louis Area Mensa.